Another Read online

  But the love of my life had just run out, and I couldn’t let her get far without her knowing it wasn’t what it looked like. I couldn’t let her lock her heart away before I could fall to my knees and apologize for not believing her—for not taking her concerns seriously.

  “I have to go.”

  I ran out of my office, but the elevator was already closed and going down. The door to the stairs slammed against the wall, echoing down the twenty flights. Somehow, I managed to make it to the bottom without breaking anything, but I didn’t manage to get there in time. All the elevators were headed back up, and Carina was nowhere in sight.

  “Fuck,” I shouted, burying my hands in my hair. “Think, Ian.”

  I needed to get home. Everything she had was at my place. She’d have to go there first before running. God, I hoped she didn’t run.

  My skin vibrated like a live wire, adrenaline making me twitchy as I waited for the elevator. When the doors started opening on my floor, I didn’t even let them fully open before running to my office. I held on to my doorframe and swung inside, coming up short at finding Jared leaning against my desk, arms crossed.

  “I had to drop off some papers,” he explained, nodding to the new files on my desk.

  “I don’t know what you saw, but it’s not what you think,” I shot off, moving past him to grab my jacket and keys.

  “I’m not touching that with a ten-foot pole,” he said, holding his hands up. “But you better hope Erik never finds out his little sister left your office crying in a half-done-up coat with her lingerie showing.”

  “Shut up, Jared,” I growled, shoving past him. I didn’t have time to explain myself and didn’t owe him one either.

  I needed to get to Carina.

  * * *

  Carina

  Standing outside our apartment door, I swiped at the tears that wouldn’t quit and took a deep breath. There was no way I was hiding that something was wrong. I just needed to convince my Aunt Vivian that I was okay enough for her to leave. I couldn’t talk to anyone yet. I needed to get inside, pack up me, and Audrey and get out before Ian came home.

  “Carina, baby. What’s wrong?” my aunt asked as soon as I stepped in.

  “I—I can’t talk about it. Please,” I choked out. “I just ne—need some space.”

  “Sweetie, I’m worried,” she said, pulling me into her arms.

  “I know, and I understand, but I just need some time. Thank you so much for coming to watch Audrey for me.”

  She scanned my face, her frown sinking lower, but seeing my stubbornness and knowing she wouldn’t get anything from me tonight. “You know I’m here for whatever you need.”

  The lump in my throat prevented me from responding, so I nodded instead.

  “Audrey’s asleep in her rocker.”

  “Thank you.”

  She pulled me in for a hug, and more tears slipped free. Vivian wiped them away and pressed a kiss to my forehead and left.

  Standing in the middle of the apartment, I looked around at the happy little life we’d created. It took everything in me to not scream and tear it all down—destroy every inch of the lie.

  God, walking in there and seeing her in his arms, her lips against his neck, his hands on her hips barely clad in anything, hearing them say they loved each other, all of it had my head pounding. It swirled like chaos until I wasn’t sure what was real and what was false. Half of me was picturing things so much worse than what was in front of me, conjuring the worst, wondering how long they’d been fooling around behind my back. My mind screaming that this was what I would always have. I would always come last. There would always be another better than me.

  The stupid, hopeful part of me prayed for a rational explanation, wondered if I imagined Ian pulling away. Maybe he hadn’t been cheating. Maybe it was just a mistake.

  That side of myself got crushed to oblivion under the negative doubt.

  I was still standing in the middle of the apartment when Ian stormed in, the door slamming against the wall.

  He looked at me with frantic eyes and almost sagged to the floor in relief at finding me there.

  “Oh, thank God. You’re still here.”

  “I’m getting ready to pack, and we’re leaving.”

  He shut the door and walked toward me slowly with his hands held up like he was approaching a rabid animal. “It’s not what it looked like.”

  Anger at his lame excuse flooded me. For a moment, I almost laughed at how different I was in the face of Ian’s betrayal than I’d been with Jake’s. When I’d confronted Jake, it had hurt, but we’d separated with understanding. With Ian, it was a soul-deep pain. I wanted him to feel right along with me. I wanted him to hurt more than me. There was no understanding, just rage. “How fucking original, Ian,” I growled at him.

  “I know. It sounds cliché, but it’s true. She came in and confessed her feelings, and when I tried to explain myself to her, she just pushed on. I had no idea what she planned to do. I was shocked. I pushed her away, Carina. Nothing happened. I promise.”

  He stepped closer still, and I stood my ground, not giving in to running into his arms so he could soothe me and tell me it would all be okay.

  “I’m sorry, Carina. I didn’t know what to do.”

  “How about talking to her like you promised me you would.” My voice cracked on the last word. Finding Hanna there almost naked in his arms was only half the betrayal. He’d told me he’d talk to her, but he was just placating the crazy woman and her baggage. “You were supposed to let her down easy before it got to her stripping for you.”

  “There’s no letting her down softly without doing damage.”

  “You just talk to her, Ian.”

  “It’s not that easy,” he said through a clenched jaw.

  I closed the distance between us, stepping into his personal space. “That’s the thing,” I whispered. “It is that fucking easy.”

  He winced and growled his frustration, spinning away before turning back to face me, resignation marring his beautiful face. “Hanna and Sophie were sold into sex slavery for months before Erik could find them. Hanna was the only one to make it back home alive.”

  I stumbled back, his confession splashing over me like a bucket of ice water, sapping the fight from my body.

  Holy shit.

  Sold.

  Sex slavery.

  Hanna.

  The words floated around, but they couldn’t form a coherent understanding. That was something that you heard about but never had to face in reality. I pictured Hanna, a strong, bold woman in the boardroom, and struggled to mesh her with what he just confessed.

  But then I saw her in Ian’s arms, declaring her love and throwing herself at him. I saw the woman who cornered me in the kitchen trying to make me feel insecure and small.

  I understood how Ian struggled to talk to her—how maybe she was more fragile than most, but it didn’t excuse what had happened. It didn’t take away the damage and pain.

  He should have listened to me. He should have supported me and done what he’d promised.

  “I’m sorry that happened, but you should have trusted me when I told you. I needed you to trust me when I told you what I knew. Not laugh in my face.”

  “I know,” Ian choked out, his eyes glassy. “I’m so sorry, Carina.”

  I knew he was, but I couldn’t keep looking at him right then. I couldn’t say it was fine and move about the apartment like normal.

  I wiped my eyes and tried to stand tall. “I need space.”

  “Do you want to move back into the guest room?”

  “No, Ian. I need to be alone. I don’t want to be in this apartment. I don’t want to be around you.”

  I hated his wince—hated knowing I was hurting him, but in that moment, all that mattered was getting through this.

  “What about Audrey?”

  “I’ll take her with me.”

  “Carina—”

  “Please, Ian,” I begged. “I just need
a little space to think. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  He searched my face and swallowed a few times before finally nodding. “Okay.”

  Ian sat with Audrey while I packed a bag for both of us. He kissed her goodbye and winced when I pulled back from any contact with him. I couldn’t feel his touch—I’d crumble.

  It didn’t take long to settle into my old apartment. Most of my stuff was still there since Ian already had furniture. At the time we’d held on to the space to finish out my lease. I had no idea that I’d need it to come back to when it all fell apart.

  Gripping my phone in my hand, I thought about calling someone, asking them to come be by my side. But when I scrolled through my contacts, I realized I didn’t have any girlfriends to help me through this. The past two years had consisted of me throwing myself into work and keeping everyone at a distance.

  Then I’d relied on Ian—he was everything I’d needed.

  Now, I sat here in a mostly empty apartment, back where I started.

  Alone.

  27 Carina

  Aunt Vivian gave me a skeptical look the next morning when I dropped Audrey off before work. Thankfully, she didn’t ask any prying questions about my swollen, puffy eyes. She knew me well enough to let me process, and I’d explain in time.

  I thought work would be a good distraction from the mess my life was currently in. That tactic had worked when Jake and I broke up. I’d buried myself in contracts and clients, and it had blocked out the hurt. Now, I sat with my hands frozen over my keyboard, staring blankly at my computer screen that had long faded to black.

  I just couldn’t get my mind to stop reeling.

  Would I always be in this situation? The girl that got cheated on.

  No, Ian hadn’t cheated. I believed him when he said Hanna had pursued him and he’d put a stop to it. But would I be the girl who was always an extra, the one who didn’t come first. Ian had been so concerned about Hanna’s feelings that he’d completely dismissed mine, deceiving me into believing he’d talk to her.

  The biggest, most daunting question was if Ian and I could get past this.

  Did I want to?

  Yes.

  That answer came through loud and clear. I loved him. I loved our family. But maybe I was the only one. Maybe he didn’t love me in return. Maybe he was only in it for Audrey.

  “Carina.”

  My name jerked me out of my thoughts, and I looked over to find Jake standing at my door, brows drawn together.

  “Hey. What’s up?” I tried to give an aloof tone, but it was too high-pitched, and Jake knew me too well.

  “I called your name a couple times.”

  “Sorry,” I laughed at myself, but it came out choked. “I was just lost in thought.”

  “You okay?”

  Maybe it was the concern and sincerity behind his question. Maybe because it was Jake and he was the closest thing I had to a best friend. I didn’t know, but the next words out of my mouth shocked us both. “Did you love me?”

  He blinked a few times, his mouth opening and closing like a fish before he ran a hand over his face and closed the door, walking deeper into my office.

  “Carina, I still love you. Jackson and I both love you. You know that, right? That what we shared together wasn’t a lie?”

  His deep voice rang with passion, and I knew he meant every word. Deep down, past the hurt, I knew we all had cared deeply for each other. But this thing with Ian was wearing me down and putting cracks in things I thought were whole.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat before answering. “I do, and I know why it didn’t work out. I’m just...having a moment.”

  “You’re allowed those, and you don’t take enough for yourself.” He leaned his hip against the edge of my desk and stared down with his assessing look. I tried to lift my chin higher and pull my shoulders back, afraid of what he might find behind the exterior. “Is this about Ian?”

  And just like that, the thin shell I’d been using to support myself cracked, and Jake became a blurry figure. Once the dam had one small fracture, it shattered, and all came pouring out.

  Jake reached me just as the first sob broke free. I tried to cover my face, ashamed to be crying so openly in my ex-fiancé’s arms. I could only imagine if my dad came in right now. He’d proclaim he told me so—that women were too weak and cried in the office over trivial things.

  But Jake didn’t say anything, he held me close and let me bury my head against his chest and let loose everything I’d been holding in the past twenty-four hours. He rubbed his hand over my hair and whispered that it was all okay. My whole body shook with each cry that wracked through me, and it seemed to go on forever, sapping my energy until there was nothing left.

  Finally expelling every last tear I had, I was down to a few sniffs, trying to wipe at my cheeks like nothing happened.

  Jake continued to rub my back and hold me close. This was the reason I forgave him for what he did to us. This was the reason I decided our friendship was more important than our mistakes. Because no matter what, he was there for me without judgment. He was my best friend.

  “I’m sorry,” I said with my soggy voice. “My hormones are still kind of crazy.”

  Jake held my face in his hands and gave the same comforting smile he’d given me when I broke up with my boyfriend in high school. “No need to apologize. You don’t always have to be the strongest one in the room.”

  “I know, but I want to be.”

  He pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No…not really.”

  “Okay.” He stepped back but kept his hands on my upper arms as if I would crumble at any moment. “If you change your mind, I’m a phone call away. And if you need to laugh, I’ll put Jackson on.”

  Just the thought of Jackson trying to cheer me up brought a small laugh out. “Okay. Thank you, Jake.”

  “Anytime. Why don’t you head home and spend the day with that beautiful baby? She’ll cheer you up.”

  “You know what? I think I will.”

  * * *

  Spending the day with Audrey was exactly what I needed. Her little giggles and chunky legs that were always kicking made me feel lighter. Made the ache distant and less.

  At least until she was asleep, and my phone vibrated with a message from Ian.

  Ian: I said I’d give you space and I am, but I haven’t heard from you all day. Is everything okay? Is Audrey doing okay? How’s her cough?

  Audrey’s cough from last week still lingered, it would fade and then come back, and my chest squeezed at his concern, reminding me he really was a good man. Just a good man, I couldn’t see yet.

  Me: Everything is fine. We’re staying at my dad’s for now.

  It was a lie, but I couldn’t have him showing up at the apartment just yet. I still needed space to think everything through.

  Me: I’m sorry I didn’t message sooner. I just… I need time.

  Me: I’ll call tomorrow, and we’ll figure something out with Audrey so you can see her.

  I quickly snapped a pic of her sleeping and sent it to him before putting my phone on airplane mode, leaving it on the coffee table. Ian always knew what to say to me, and I didn’t want to be tempted to do something I wasn’t ready for.

  My heart jerked in my chest when a knock at the door came ten minutes later.

  Shit. He’d promised he would give me space—he promised he wouldn’t push it.

  I stood on shaky limbs and made my way to the door like a bomb waited for me on the other side. Each step had my muscles pulling tighter and tighter until I was sure I’d snap. Leaning in quietly to hold up the ruse I wasn’t there in case it was him. I checked through the peephole and found a dark head of hair and an easy smile.

  Just not Ian’s.

  This one had salt in his hair and wrinkles around his eyes.

  I opened the door to a smiling Kent. “Surprise.”

  Not that I wasn’t happy to see him, but Kent had n
ever been to my place before. We’d all formed a friendship, but it rarely went outside of meetings and drinks afterward.

  At my hesitant stare, he explained. “Jake told Daniel and Daniel told me. I come bearing gifts,” he said joyously, holding up a bottle of expensive bourbon.

  “I can’t drink,” I said with a deadpanned stare.

  His brows furrowed and he looked to the bottle before back at me, confused. “Can’t you like…pump and dump or something?” he asked, gesturing to my chest with the bottle.

  His concern that I couldn’t drink, and his solution had a laugh breaking free I didn’t know I was capable of. It hurt my face to form a smile and my chest to shake with anything other than tears.

  But it also felt really good.

  For the first time, I saw a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel—that maybe it would be okay eventually. I was damaged, but not broken.

  Shaking my head, I stepped aside and let him in. He held up a grocery bag in his other hand once the door was closed. “Good thing I brought ice cream. Now, let’s watch chick flicks and cry together. Olivia told me it’s the female heartbreak survival kit.”

  Another laugh, and it hurt less this time.

  He brought out a few more laughs through the night, each one coming easier than the last. It was nice not to feel alone like I had the night before. It was a nice reminder that I had more friends than I realized.

  It was all nice…but it wasn’t Ian.

  28 Ian

  With a deep breath, I prepared myself to do what I should have done last week. What I should have done as soon as Carina brought it up with me.

  I rapped my knuckles on Hanna’s open door and tried to appear like my heart wasn’t thundering in my chest. Her wince of regret upon finding me standing there made me realize one of us needed to hold it together.

  “Please don’t, Ian.” She kept her gaze locked on the paper on her desk, her jaw clenched.