Another Read online

  “Will we be able to see the baby?” I asked before she could leave the room.

  “Ian…” Carina admonished quietly, but I ignored her and kept my eyes on the nurse.

  “Oh, umm, we’ve already done a twenty-week ultrasound. We don’t usually do another unless we need to see something specific.”

  My heart sank, and I’d never been so devastated by such a small piece of information. I felt like a toddler, not getting his way.

  “Is there anything we can do?” I asked, not ready to give up. “I kind of missed the beginning, and I was hoping to catch up.”

  She must have felt the desperation pouring off me because she gave a smile and narrowed her eyes like she was considering my request. “Sure. I’m not sure if we can do the 4D ultrasound, though. It’s not always covered by insurance.”

  “I’ll pay whatever extra it costs.”

  The nurse laughed at me. “Okay. We’ll make it work.”

  When she left, Carina moved to sit on the edge of the table, the paper crinkling with every adjustment. I lounged back and frowned when she just stared at me. “What?”

  “Leave, Ian.”

  “It’s not like I haven’t seen it all.” Her lip curled, and I knew that was the only warning I’d get. “Okay, okay. I’m going. Call me back in when you’re ready.”

  I’d only been outside for five minutes before she called me back in, a thin pink sheet thing covering her lower half, her flowy black shirt covering the top.

  “So, is all this normal? Stripping down with your butt bare back there?”

  “Ian.” She tried to sound irritated, but the laugh she couldn’t hold back ruined it.

  “Don’t act like if I walked around this table, I wouldn’t find your beautiful ass there. That sheet thing is only so big.”

  Carina shook her head, biting her lip to hold back more laughter. “Yes, this is all normal,” she answered. “I’ll have them once a week in this last month.”

  “Can I come?”

  Her blue eyes shined, reminding me of the sea I saw when my parents took me on a trip one time to the Amalfi Coast. They were wide and surprised by my request. “You—you don’t have to,” she stuttered, shaking her head. “I can just message you updates.”

  I reached across the space between us, resting my hand atop hers that clung to the edge of the padded table. “I want to. I want to be here for you both.”

  Swallowing hard, she finally gave in. “Okay.”

  There was no holding back my smile. It felt like a small step was taken in the direction of me winning her over. Winning her over to what, I wasn’t sure yet. But I knew I needed to be closer and maybe this concession narrowed the gap.

  The door opened, and a woman with short dark hair and glasses came in with a warm smile. “How are we doing today?” she asked Carina before her gaze turned to me. “And who is this? Dad?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m Ian. Nice to meet you.”

  “Nice to meet you, Dad.” She shook my hand and looked me up and down before returning to her iPad. “Okay, your stats look normal. I’m going to do a quick exam, and then the tech will be in with the ultrasound. I hear we’re getting to see baby today.”

  “Yeah,” I breathed.

  “Then let’s get started. Is it okay that Dad stays in the room?”

  I gave Carina my most pleading eyes, mouthing please as I scooted my chair back to be up by her head.

  She rolled her eyes. “Fine.”

  “Yes,” I hissed victoriously.

  “Just stay up here.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” I agreed with a salute. Before the doctor disappeared between Carina’s spread legs, hidden under the sheet, she looked at me. “She’s always bossing me around.”

  The doctor just shook her head and was gone.

  “Shut up, Ian.”

  “Remember what happened the last time you told me to shut up?” I asked, a slow grin spreading. I wish I could have filmed her reaction so I could watch it forever. Red bloomed on her cheeks even though she tried to hide it with a laser stare. You do, I mouthed, bobbing my eyebrows.

  The doctor must have hit a spot or something—I really had no idea what happened down there—because Carina winced and hissed, reaching out to grasp something. Thankfully, my hand was there at the ready and damn did she have a firm grip.

  “Almost done, Carina,” the doctor explained.

  Carina nodded and bit her lip, her eyes scrunched closed. I covered our clasped hands with my free one and gently stroked back and forth, doing my best to soothe her.

  “All done.” Carina exhaled a huge sigh and finally relaxed. “Now, I just need to examine your abdomen, and it’ll be over. Can I lift your top?”

  Carina nodded and pointedly didn’t look my way as her round stomach was bared. I stared in awe at the firm skin pulled tight around my baby. Her belly button protruded a little, and it was adorable. She winced and squeezed my hand again when the doctor pushed on a tender spot.

  “Okay. We’re all done. Everything looks great. The tech should be in in a bit, and I’ll see you next week.”

  “Thank you, Dr. Sawyer.”

  When the doctor left, I couldn’t keep my awe inside anymore. “Look at you,” I breathed.

  “I look like a whale.” Carina went to cover her stomach, but I held her hands in place.

  “You look like a goddess.” I smiled in wonder up at her and then back to her stomach. “That’s our baby you’re carrying. You’re amazing, Carina.”

  She held my stare as her eyes glazed over. I didn’t comment on her reaction because a muscle jumped in her jaw, and I knew she was clenching her teeth like she could will the emotion away. This woman didn’t show emotion lightly.

  Her hand jerked over her stomach, and she winced. “I guess Peanut didn’t like being pushed on. He’s kicking.”

  “He?”

  “I call the baby by different pronouns to avoid calling it ‘it’ but I change it up.”

  “It’s good to be fair. Wouldn’t want to convince it one way or another.”

  Carina laughed. “I don’t think that’s the way it works.”

  I looked down just in time to catch another thump pushing against the skin. “Wow. Jesus, that’s amazing. Can I…can I feel it?”

  “Sure.”

  We were making progress; she didn’t even hesitate before giving in. I held my hand against the spot where the last kick happened and waited. When I felt it, a burst of laughter erupted from me. “Holy shit!”

  Carina was laughing with me with each kick I felt.

  Not thinking about it, just acting on instinct, I leaned forward and kissed her warm skin. She gasped, but I didn’t pull back. Especially when she didn’t protest, she smelled so good, like coconuts and sunshine.

  “Hey, baby,” I said right against her skin. “It’s Daddy. I hope everything is going well in there. I know it’s getting tight, but soon you’ll be able to roll around in all the space you want.”

  I peeked up at Carina to find her eyes glazed over again, and her lip firmly clasped under her teeth.

  Another kick brought my attention back to her stomach. “That’s a hell of a kick. Are you going to be a soccer player? Or maybe that’s your arm, and you’ll play baseball just like Daddy.” Another kick and I was so excited; I just got lost in the moment. The next thing I knew, Carina was laughing—her whole body shaking—as I started doing baby-talk. “Who’s gonna be the best baseball player ever? You will. Yeah. You will. You’re gonna kick all their asses. Yes, you will.”

  “Ian,” Carina reprimanded around her laughs. “Stop swearing at the baby.”

  I smiled up at her, and I could have stayed there forever, but I didn’t want to press my luck. Pressing my lips one last time to her skin, I stayed close and whispered, “I love you.” Because I did. So much, I ached in every bone in my body for this baby I hadn’t even met yet. But I knew I’d die loving he or she more than anything I’d ever loved.

  Afte
r a moment of silence, Carina asked, “You played baseball?”

  “Yeah. All through college.”

  “Why didn’t you go pro?”

  I shrugged. “Lots of reasons. Honestly, I just wanted a scholarship so I could get through college without asking my parents for a thing.”

  Carina’s brow furrowed and her lips parted. I knew a question was coming because even I could hear the bitterness coloring my tone. But before she could get a word out, the door opened again with a plump woman backing in, dragging a machine behind her.

  “All right. Let’s get this party started,” she said.

  She was efficient, and before I knew it, the screen filled with the profile of my son or daughter, a thumb firmly planted in their mouth. The tech used her mouse to point out different body parts and did plenty of screenshots of tiny feet and tiny fists and tiny everything for us to take home.

  Fire burned at the back of my throat, but I was holding it together. At least, until she switched it over to the 4D ultrasound. The grainy black and white image shifted to a sepia color of blurs. She moved it this way and that, trying to avoid showing us the gender, until finally, the tiniest, most beautiful face appeared.

  Tears slipped down my cheeks, and I didn’t even care to wipe them away. Carina’s soft hand slipped in mine, holding me tight. I looked to her with my jaw dropped and didn’t have to say anything. She just nodded and squeezed tighter. Not wanting to miss a moment, I turned back to the screen to take in the little nose and tiny mouth.

  When the monitor was shut off, and a handful of pictures were given to me, I’d finally pulled myself together.

  I waited outside, flipping through the printouts, unable to believe it. I’d been telling myself I was going to be a father over and over again but seeing is believing.

  Along with the beautiful reality came a wave of panic. My chest squeezed, and my head swam. Oh, shit. I was going to be a father. I was going to be in charge of this tiny perfect thing. Me.

  I was going to fuck it up—ruin it all.

  I struggled to pull deep breaths in through my nose, but I did it because Carina was about to step outside, and I didn’t want her to find me in a full-blown panic attack.

  We made it all the way past check out before she finally asked. “You okay?”

  “More than okay.” It was true because the love I had for our baby far outweighed the fear, and I decided to focus on that. “You want to get some lunch?”

  “Sure.”

  “How about Mexican?”

  “Blech. I want a burger.”

  “How many burgers have you had this week?” I asked playfully only to get a glare in return.

  “Listen to me, Ian. We’re getting burgers, and that’s that.”

  I shook my head and laughed. “You’re still a crazy woman.”

  She swatted me but laughed too, and the last of the panic slipped away because, for the first time since meeting Carina again, I felt like we were officially in this together.

  10 Carina

  Friday.

  Ian: Show me our baby.

  Carina: What?

  Ian: Show me that beautiful belly.

  Carina: OMG! Ian!

  Ian: … waiting.

  Ian: Damn, woman. Our baby is lookin’ good.

  Saturday.

  Ian: Can we talk so I can talk to Peanut?

  Carina: In a minute. I’m eating.

  Ian: It’s a cheeseburger, isn’t it?

  Carina: Shut up.

  Sunday.

  Carina: Do you know that Big Burgers won’t deliver a burger to me! What is Uber Eats even good for?

  Ian: Gasp.

  Ian: Those bastards.

  Carina: Right?!

  Ian: Want me to bring you one?

  Carina: No. I’m a mess today, and I want to continue being a mess.

  Ian: Okaaaay.

  Carina: Don’t judge me, Bergamo.

  Carina: OMG! You brought me a burger. AND FRIES! I’m so happy!

  Ian: It wasn’t me. Must have been the burger fairy.

  Carina: Well, I’m eternally grateful. So is Peanut.

  Ian: Eternity is a long time. I could come up with a lot of stuff for you to show your gratitude for an eternity.

  Carina: I’m not even going to respond to that. I’m going to eat my burger.

  Monday.

  Ian: Cheeseburger for lunch?

  Carina: No. :(

  Carina: I’m having a salad from home. I need to cleanse my body from the grease.

  Ian: Let me know if you change your mind.

  Wednesday.

  Carina: I just got to work, and I already want a burger. It’s been a long two days.

  Ian: Your abstinence is admirable.

  Carina: It is. I deserve a reward.

  Carina: I’ll add a chocolate shake today.

  Ian: Well deserved.

  I scanned over the message again, unable to stop my smile. I’d been doing a lot of that lately, staring down at my phone smiling, waiting for it to ding with another message. Hoping to hear from Ian. It probably wasn’t a healthy addiction, but maybe it was good we were building a slow connection through messages rather than face-to-face.

  We tended to bicker when we were around each other, so the messages were a good barrier to get to know each other.

  “What are you smiling at?” Jake asked, pushing through my cracked office door.

  I shoved the phone to the side and sat up straight with my most innocent face like I’d been caught looking at porn.

  “Nothing.”

  His brows scrunched, but he smiled and shook his head, letting it go. “It’s good to see you smile more.”

  “I smile,” I defended.

  “Yeah, but you’re more serious.”

  “Well, that tends to happen when you’re dumped.”

  I regretted the words as soon as they popped out. I was feeling cornered and judged, and I snapped. I hated seeing his downcast eyes and clenched jaw. I hated seeing the guilt. If for no other reason than it reminded me of the demise of our engagement. But we still had our friendship, and I decided to let the past go so I could hang on to my friend. I didn’t have many.

  “I’m sorry. I’m just hungry.”

  His lips quirked up on one side. “You mean, hangry?”

  “Maybe,” I said innocently.

  “We ready to go over these numbers?” my father said, striding into the room, his eyes glued to a stack of papers.

  “I thought we were meeting in your office in ten?”

  “We figured we’d meet here, so you didn’t have to waddle across the floor,” Jake joked.

  I gave him the middle finger at the same time as sticking out my tongue. I liked to mix petulant with adult hand gestures.

  “Hey, now,” my father admonished. “That’s my little girl you’re talking about.”

  Jake and I laughed because my father had put up with us play fighting since we were teens. At the same time, my chest warmed a little at his defense. It wasn’t always so hard to be around him, and it was moments like this that I remembered he really did love me, just in his own way.

  “Before we get started, I wanted to give you this,” my father said, sliding a file folder across my desk.

  I flipped it open and froze. My lungs worked overtime, and stupid tears burned the backs of my eyes as my mouth spread into the biggest grin. “You signed it.”

  “Not that you left me much choice,” my father grumbled. “I looked it over, and not surprisingly, it’s a good plan. You are my daughter, after all.” I beamed with pride under his compliment. “There are stipulations with the timeline. Like it or not, Carina, you are pregnant and about to have a life-changing event. You’ll need time to adjust, and I don’t want you adjusting with too much on your plate. So, yes, it will happen. But we will talk timelines after your maternity leave.”

  I pretended to think it over, but he was right, and I didn’t want to argue. “Okay.” He flopped down in the chair opposite
my desk and sighed. “Thank you, Dad.”

  He didn’t say anything, just gave me a wink and started the meeting.

  We were finishing up the last page of the report when my secretary, Anne, poked her head through the door. “Carina, someone is here to see you.”

  Her wide eyes and flushed cheeks sparked a bit of alarm. Was someone angry? Someone that shouldn’t be there? “Tell them I’ll be with them soon. I’ll be free in a few minutes.”

  “Umm…” She held on to the door jam and turned to look down the hall before whipping her head back in. “I don’t thin—”

  “Burger fairy, coming through.”

  My eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets at the voice coming closer to my door. Anne stepped back and in walked Ian. I mean the burger fairy.

  A rush of heat washed over me at seeing this tall man in a charcoal tailored suit, stretched around his broad shoulders, fill my doorway. My heart thundered, and I couldn’t tell if it was excitement at seeing him in my space, panic at having him in my space with my ex and my father, or sheer joy at the aroma of juicy burger wafting across the room.

  He stepped all the way in, and I almost jumped out of my seat when I saw a cup with white cream on top.

  “My milkshake,” I whispered, bringing all eyes to me.

  Feeling heat rise in my cheeks, I cleared my throat and looked down until I could school my expression into something other than awe.

  “Thank you, Anne.”

  Anne took one more long look at Ian’s backside before finally walking away.

  “You’re Ian Bergamo, right?” my father asked. “From Bergamo and Brandt.”

  “Yes, sir,” Ian answered, setting the bag and drinks down on my coffee table, way too far from me. “Nice to see you again.”

  “Again?” Jake asked, looking Ian up and down with shrewd eyes.

  “Your father and I helped set up his company almost nine years ago,” Dad explained to Jake.

  “Yes, sir,” Ian said, giving his most charming smile. “Still going strong. I was sorry to hear about Mr. Wellington.”